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Human Tragedy: Former SSPX Priest Loses Faith, Becomes Homosexual Tattooist

Francis Palmquist, 31, originally from New Jersey, USA, is a former PiusX priest who was ordained in 2016 and assigned to Mexico. After few years, he left the priesthood, and lives as a homosexual tattooist in Guadalajara.

Now, Palmquist wears tattoos, a beard, and on some pictures a nose ring. In 2020, he started the “I Am Judas Project” where he tells his story in videos and online posts. A good storyteller, he spoke in an honest and aggression free January 14 video interview with the former homosexual Joseph Sciambra about his life.

Palmquist talked to Sciambra after having been vilified by ChurchMilitant.com which is run by a former homosexual who used Palmquist's tragedy to smear PiusX as a homosexual, paedophile, and abusive group.

Brought up as a New Rite Catholic with Mass and rosary, Palmquist calls his father a "non-practicing Catholic" who went along with the mother's religious fervour. Being the oldest boy, Francis took over the role as “the Catholic man” in the family.

When he was 15/16 years old, the family joined the Society of St. Pius X. Palmquist said he would have broken away from the Church in his youth had he not found the traditional Faith.

Undue Pressure?

Palmquist felt as a part of the SSPX community and considered a priestly vocation despite his homosexual attractions because, he says, there was a shortage of priests and an “overemphasised propaganda” pushing young men to become priests. Now, he calls this a “pressure” which was exercised also on and through the mothers.

After joining the seminary, some fellow students told him that they had entered the seminary not by their own decision but because they were told to do so. The seminary was ideal for Palmquist because he didn't consider marriage an option. Despite what he calls his “uncontrolled sexual desire,” no priest told him to stay out of the seminary.

Palmquist displayed artistic talents and was a good communicator but insecure, never trusting in himself and his opinion. He had inferiority complexes because he saw the big sinner inside. He masturbated and felt "less than everyone else” within a heterosexual environment, “I didn’t feel like I was going to ever be at the same level as anyone else.”

He didn't struggle with homosexuality as he never acted upon it and would “never in a million years have done so." Instead, he put his homosexual attractions “in a nice little box” in his brain. He couldn't stop masturbating and considered himself a horrible sinner. Only after becoming a priest, he realised that his friends and married men were also masturbating.

Nevertheless, God was 100% real to him. He believed the Catholic Faith 100%. He wanted to go to heaven and help other people to go there, “My heart was in religion.”

“In Love” With Another Seminarian

During his time in seminary, he once fell "in love" with another seminarian who responded to his feelings. They liked talking and caring for each other.

The only physical interaction which happened between them was once grabbing the other's hand and once when they hugged each other after the death of Palmquist’s grandmother, “This was not sexual at all, a very close friendship that started to become barely physical.”

They spoke to their superior about their friendship, then cut off completely from each other, wanting both to become good priests, and even stopped talking to each other.

Palmquist desired to be with this seminarian but suppressed his wish, tried to forget about the matter and even was mean to the other in order to break with him, “It caused so much pain within me.”

He tried to conform and fit into the community, didn’t want to cause problems or to be a problem, and to have peace around him.

Struggle For Chastity

Palmquist tried to live a chaste life and to get rid of homosexual thoughts and attractions. Before he was ordained a priest, he accepted that his attractions wouldn't go away considering this as God’s cross requiring from him to "suffer silently.”

He hoped God would give him the grace to endure and persevere, like a “silent martyrdom.” In hindsight he interprets this as “just another way of suppressing everything.” However, he did tell his spiritual director about his problems.

His superiors saw in him an enthusiastic young man and “a pretty good candidate” who was honest, had a lot of qualities and his head on his shoulders.

Palmquist never was aware of any kind of pedophilia nor homosexual underground in the SSPX. Homosexuality “was not promoted nor allowed.”

Depression and Bulimia

After his ordination, Palmquist was assigned to Mexico where he lived with three other priests and where a big crisis started.

During his last five or six months as priest he led a double life experiencing a “back and forth.” He was trying to maintain his priestly obligations but at the same time fell into homosexual actions.

This started in an innocent way with the desire "to connect with people and talk” and led him to having a homosexual relationship with a man outside of the Catholic circle which lasted for a month.

This life made Palmquist depressed, he stopped eating, became bulimic, lost weight and slept all the time, “It destroyed me.”

The other priests noticed that something was wrong with him. “I don’t want to say that they didn’t care,” Palmquist recalls. At this point, he was so far gone that he didn’t even know how to ask for help.

The priests were “understandably annoyed” because to some extent they knew about his problems and saw that Palmquist couldn’t fulfil his duties. Palmquist went "through hell” to come to the point where he is now. He finally decided to leave the priesthood.

Will Judas Have the Last Word?

It is unusual that Palmquist doesn't present himself as a victim, and doesn't blame PiusX for his choices. Back then, he says, he did what he thought was best, however, “if I could be back I would have made a different decision.”

A few months before he left the priesthood, Palmquist lost his faith, and when he departed he had no "faith in God” anymore. “I don’t believe,” he says now.

Nevertheless, he wants to be "open to the truth" and doesn't want to close the door, “At one moment of my life, I did believe and now I don’t." Palmquist is “happy” with his present homosexual cohabitation. He believes that he has overcome his struggle by calling it okay to be homosexual and by believing that he is “where he should be.”

This statement seems to be contradicted by the fact that he calls his internet presence "I am Judas Project".
Kevin
I note @DeProfundis has been quoting from Dr Gerard van den Aardweg. His book 'The Battle for Normality' was available on Amazon but it looks like they have banned him. However, it is still available at Ignatius Press here:- ignatius.com/…Battle-for-Normality-P165.aspx
DefendTruth
Actually, all of these stories of gay men are somehow similar. Troubles with the father. All about sex. Broken life: "In the course of my therapy I learned that my problem was not at all one of “sexual orientation” but of arrested personal growth. Others had progressed farther in developing their personalities. They had become men with a natural orientation toward the female sex. I, on the other …More
Actually, all of these stories of gay men are somehow similar. Troubles with the father. All about sex. Broken life: "In the course of my therapy I learned that my problem was not at all one of “sexual orientation” but of arrested personal growth. Others had progressed farther in developing their personalities. They had become men with a natural orientation toward the female sex. I, on the other hand, had remained a mere boy: unsure of himself, lacking courage, with a placid temperament — the type that doesn’t like to dirty his hands, who never thrusts himself into the forefront, preferring to remain inconspicuous."
truechristianity.info/en/articles/article0136.php
De Profundis
Homosexuals seems to exaggerate self-pity and sentimentality. They portray themselves as perpetual victims — to the point of theatricality and according to van den Aardweg, it is precisely on these feelings that the engine of the homosexual drives, the inferiority complex, rests.
De Profundis
Homosexual relationships are by nature short-lived, says van den Aardweg. This is because of the infantilism that underlies homosexuality: "Infantile fantasy is a peculiar form of fantasy. It is a fantasy of seeking. It can never be satisfied. It goes more or less like this: Ah, if only I had a good friend. The complaint constantly comes back like a refrain. You don’t love me as my first friend …More
Homosexual relationships are by nature short-lived, says van den Aardweg. This is because of the infantilism that underlies homosexuality: "Infantile fantasy is a peculiar form of fantasy. It is a fantasy of seeking. It can never be satisfied. It goes more or less like this: Ah, if only I had a good friend. The complaint constantly comes back like a refrain. You don’t love me as my first friend did. The complaints and laments go on until he finds another Friend who is more beautiful. Homosexual love is not love, but a yearning, an insatiable desire. It is a yearning characteristic of adolescence. When we go into it more deeply, we show it up for the impoverished feeling that it is. What comes to light is that the homosexual is doing this for himself alone. He seeks love and sincerity from someone else. It is not a true, mature form of love, which consists not only in accepting but also in the giving of oneself — sacrificing oneself for another. That is why homosexual love is false."
Tesa
At least he is young. One of the most talked-about problems is the loneliness of aging homosexuals. Gay unions, they complain, are based almost exclusively on sex. As a result, aging homosexuals, who no longer have a young and beautiful body, have no chance of forming close relationships. All they can do is buy sex from young men, who cannot be counted on to provide emotional warmth and support …More
At least he is young. One of the most talked-about problems is the loneliness of aging homosexuals. Gay unions, they complain, are based almost exclusively on sex. As a result, aging homosexuals, who no longer have a young and beautiful body, have no chance of forming close relationships. All they can do is buy sex from young men, who cannot be counted on to provide emotional warmth and support in old age.
De Profundis
According to Dr. van den Aardweg, homosexuality is an emotional disorder developed during childhood and adolescence. “The chief factor underlying the male homosexual complex” he observes, “is a lack of identification with the father or a distant or dysfunctional relationship with him. The paternal factor is often a ‘psychologically absent father.’ He may be present, but if he is an older man, or …More
According to Dr. van den Aardweg, homosexuality is an emotional disorder developed during childhood and adolescence. “The chief factor underlying the male homosexual complex” he observes, “is a lack of identification with the father or a distant or dysfunctional relationship with him. The paternal factor is often a ‘psychologically absent father.’ He may be present, but if he is an older man, or insufficiently fatherly or masculine, then he is effectively absent and becomes a ‘psychologically absent father.’
“The other significant factor is the mother, who should always refrain from over-coddling and excessive solicitude. When a mother is over-concerned with her boy, is too close to him, has a tendency to control him, is quick and active, does everything for him, she undercuts his initiative.
“This maternal factor can result in the boy underdeveloping his sense of boyhood. When both these factors — father and mother — converge in a family, there is likelihood that the boy will feel inadequate among his peers. In a world of boys he will stand apart.
“There are other factors involved, such as the boy’s position in the family, his relationship with his siblings, and how he sees his body. My patients often complain about physical problems they faced as boys: stuttering, obesity, and other traits, which they perceived as defects. Another factor is their manner of rearing, for example by grandparents.
“All these factors cause the boy to feel out of his element among his friends. They are too rough for him. They have manners that he does not understand. Statistically, homosexuals as boys rarely engage in boyish scrapping or take part in sports such as football, soccer, baseball or hockey, though it is unclear if this is because they don’t know how or if they were afraid of losing or being hurt. It is here that an inferiority complex takes root. The above-mentioned factors set the stage for what happens to the boy in adolescence, that is, from the ages of 10-12 to 16. It is only then that these disparate factors begin to converge. A boy who does not feel part of the group, who feels uncomfortable and out of his element in a man’s world, is susceptible to a range of complexes.
“Something occurs to a prepubescent or adolescent boy who is unable to make friendships, who feels more at ease in the company of girls, who is afraid of his peers, especially if he withdraws into himself and begins nursing a desire for a friend. He may have someone in mind. He begins to notice that his friend has something he lacks, something that makes him popular — courage, masculine looks, physical prowess. Meanwhile, he feels he lacks these qualities. He is not well built, etc. This is where an inferiority complex begins to assert itself. The boy feels he is not up to the mark. He is not as good looking. Above all, his masculinity is in question. So he begins to admire his friend from a distance
and desire him. With the onset of adolescence these fantasies to have a friend begin to take on an erotic character. These erotic feelings go hand in hand with an intense sense of worship. One might even call it a form of idolatry, a divinization of someone else’s masculinity. This may only be childish wonder, but it can be very strong, and the greater the feeling of loneliness and inferiority the more powerful the wonder gets. Thus the desire grows. The final point is habit. Habit brings two things together: desire for the divinized person and self-pity, or what I call ‘autodramatization.’ By this I mean an exaggerated playing up of one’s hurt and pain. The complex is thus reinforced. This invariably happens in the pre-homosexualization phase of a given individual.
“Every adult homosexual indulges in a measure of self-pity. This constant, unconscious emotion stems not so much from his homosexuality as from a sense that he is not a man like others. Since his youth he feels he has been excluded from the circle of his peers. This he interprets as discrimination. He represents the persecuted poor. This is the official gay position — that homosexuals are poor victims. It resonates nicely with their infantile fantasies. It suits them perfectly because homosexuals have always felt outside the group. Hence this desire for a friend, this search for an ideal Male. One might say that homosexuals are fascinated by masculinity.”
P. O'B
Thank you for this very enlightening post.
Eva
It is more interesting to see a Saint's life written by God - like here (St Joseph Vaz - Apostle of Sri Lanka) than just another boring sinner whose lifes are always more of the same.
Cuthbert Mayne
Well said
De Profundis
His own presentation on facebook - looks somehow helpless to me.
beth alice arrow
poor soul
Miles - Christi
Oh, my God! Let's pray for this poor man... Ave Maria!
De Profundis
Van den Aardweg has discovered the following interesting relationship: the less one focuses on oneself, the less susceptible one is to homosexual tendencies.
DefendTruth
Palmquist on Facebook:

"And what would have happened if I died?
.
My crisis had reached such a point that food lost its flavor. From the moment of rising in the morning, I was waiting for the night to return.
.
This was my “dark night” of the soul.
.
That’s what I believed.
.
God was “BLESSING ME” by removing my belief in him. That I had to just buckle down and grit my teeth and continue...
.
I …More
Palmquist on Facebook:

"And what would have happened if I died?
.
My crisis had reached such a point that food lost its flavor. From the moment of rising in the morning, I was waiting for the night to return.
.
This was my “dark night” of the soul.
.
That’s what I believed.
.
God was “BLESSING ME” by removing my belief in him. That I had to just buckle down and grit my teeth and continue...
.
I kept trying to maintain the “correct” perspective.
.
I tried to believe that God really cared and knew what he was doing.
.
I tried... but I was dying."
Prayhard
The CM piece on him is largely a work of fiction. He doesn't a tattoo parlour, though he wishes he did.
De Profundis
CM tries to fit everything in their narrative of the SSPX as homosexual society.
DefendTruth
Palmquist's Mexican boy-friend on the picture brought to attention by Niles was annoyed about being exposed like that.
Tesa
Palmquist's story represent a big part of the hierarchy. Closed community in the 50s. Mum had the vocation. The gay boys didn't want to marry and became unhappy, masturbating priests. They looked for more in their lives - and tried to become bishops and cardinals - and maybe a pope. Filled everything with their images.
Hugh N. Cry
Spot on
Elkam Elkam
Worse things have happened:
youtube.com/watch?v=QcBx0TMMIfE