Francis Meets with Sean Johnson
Francis flew to Minneapolis to meet with author/historian/analyst and Internet personality Sean Johnson yesterday, but apparently forgot to tell Mr. Johnson that he was coming.Apparently, Francis wanted to know why Sean is critical of his doctrines, policies, and physique, but upon surprising Mr. Johnson in his driveway unannounced, one of his children recognized the putative pope, and let the dog out, fearful that he would spew heresy upon his little brother. But the dog, also recognizing Francis, whimpered, and ran off into the woods.
Francis, having recovered from the surprise, let himself into the garage, where he was caught on security camera stealing two beers and Mr. Johnson’s beef jerky (it was Friday).
Enraged, Mr. Johnson (brandishing 25 St. Benedict medals), confronted Francis, and asked him what he was doing. Francis fled into the street, driven out of the house by the medals, and back into the pope mobile. But he was quickly pulled over by Minneapolis police for exhibitionism, and not being black. When he explained to the policeman that he was the pope, the officer reportedly laughed, and asked Francis to prove it by kissing a cross. Unable to muster the fortitude to do so, the officer arrested him and he is currently detained in the Hennepin County Jail.
According to Francis’s attorney, Shalom Goldstein, Francis is enjoying his stay, although he can’t get good spaghetti. Word is that he’ll make a return visit to Mr. Johnson’s house for another attempt. Asked for comment, Sean replied simply that”he better bring his own beer,” and “he’ll have to drink it in the street, as we have a no heretic policy at our house.”